day 99

haiku death match! HYA!

there, in one corner,

weighing 300 lbs: past

there, almost: future

past
She loved me with cuts
I still smell the death she left
It is trapped hopeless

future

I will love her like

sunrise on recycled mail

Her heart writes the truth

past

I couldn't tell why

This is just how things end up

Broken without senses

future

She smells like pressed stems

Growth lies between these pages

I will grow with you

past

She is growing now

Quickly, without me, this is

an inch too weary

future

I am growing now

Without her. She is shrinking.

I can breathe again.

I am two parts dead

one part alive, six parts there

most of me is here

day 98

sunday morning screams out love me
i love you without screaming it
it's a crazy good feeling
to wake up.

to wake up
dreaming.

day 97

I lost my business and a lot of my money,
but you know, it's not the worst thing.
You know why?


Why?

Because I still have you,
your brother, and your sister.
I know I messed everything up,
but I am smiling at your successes
and that makes my heart happy.
My heart is happy.
Papa's so happy.

day 96

my body aches for twelve more minutes of your time
  darlin
there's gotta be a way for morning to come quicker
i will never be too tired for breakfast in bed
  my mind is scrambling
yearning to put words together
there are letters left in luke warm soup bowls
spell out something
  anything
   whatever
wherever you end up
  don't forget to wake me
read me the newspaper
the forecasts are always a little too bizarre
and my joints will be sore on long days
i need help sleeping
there is an ache i can't stretch out
there is no way of pin pointing it
it is just there
like you and i
  darlin
    like you and i

day 95

there are too many layers of

                dust

     between

 us

day 94

"How do you kill a man with a dinosaur?"


1. It is humid out
during the end of Winter solstice
Long necks glistening with sweat
Almost as bright as your diamond ring
Darlin
We are wearing turtle necks tonight
Dinner reservations on me.


2. You like girls that play guitar
Sometimes I like Michael Cera
Well hi,
call me Sarah
You can try to braid my hair and
I will tell you secrets to top it off.
This crush is
newborn Triceratops feeding time
at the zoo:
Buried,
but I can dig it.


3. Your new hair cut looks terrific.
Sometimes I will pop out of doors to scare you.
I can be terrifying like
it can be Halloween
like yesterday
five days a week.
I lied.
The words hair cut are extinct to you.
You're wild.
It makes me want to eat you up like a T-Rex would
but I will be a vegetarian for five minutes.


4. 

day 93

10 13
thirteen brides
ten different different different rides
1000 horses
all white horses
thirteen hundred pale white corpses
10 13
thirteen bores
it is night with ten heart wars
she is thirteen and he is too
tonight they will stop being blue
10 13
1013 horses
look tonight
for the pale corpses...




(SPOOKY! HAPPY ALMOST HALLOWEEN! 
sorry for such a creepy freewrite today. I just creeped myself out! hahaha)

day 92

but there's that deep gut feeling you always get when you see them. It's been awhile since the first crush feeling, but it's the first day I haven't hidden it inside. there are no more butterflies, just moths. a hidden moth.

you don't and won't understand how beautiful a moth can be. we fly during night, when your dreams are most ripe, most stuck in the first crush feeling. we manifest in the cobwebs your dry thoughts create. sometimes, we will create a fear.

but it will feel like that deep gut feeling, the same feeling you get when you see your soul mate.

see, we don't believe in those things anymore.

you are all too busy wishing for butterflies.

day 91

I told you I am falling in love
but I don't know if
this trickery will trickle sense into me
The last time we watched the grass
It grew dew drops
My eyes stay dry, and our
kisses a little damp
I am happy
I miss you, happily
this is where we will fall in love
two months ago, five years before
In five years
and two months
I will still love you
Falling
like Autumn temperatures
the time changes
There will be minor set backs
every hour will become shorter,
and we will soon watch our eyes
grow dew drops like morning grass
this is where we will fall in disbelief
It is too difficult to part ways
We will be happy, though
I will miss it, happily.

day 90

TO ALL THE BEAUTIFUL GIRLS

TO THE GIRLS WHO SIT IN THE BACK

TO THE GIRLS THAT TWIRL THEIR HAIR

to the girls that would rather doodle in love novels

than write love novels

to the girls who are too bitter to fall in love

this is for you

(to be continued :P)

day 89

this is a morning where your feet stay asleep and your mind takes it's place
it is racing
my thoughts are two laps and three miles away from making sense
i will lay here for another hour
hoping that the finish line is just a five minute snooze away
it's not
and it will never be
this is a morning where my feet will wake up
and my mind will stay snoozing
sometimes i don't know what to think
but most of the time it will be okay

day 88

New York City
big, big city
this is where her path lies pretty
Dirty, truthful, honest lies
Someday the useless ego dies

fuck you

day 87

1. Find the guy who will

willingly order you a pretty bouquet

of daisies

and deliver them to you

when you're feeling less than

perfect.

He will make you feel pretty

beautiful

on a tired Tuesday night.

Love him.

For he will learn to love

you

in ways prettier

than you'd imagine.

2. Don't save the tissue paper.

Happy tears dry on their own.

3. Save the light blue ribbon

reminder

that something else will

willingly remain

light blue when skies turn stormy.

4. When you realize

you're falling in love,

willingly

do so.

5. 

6. I am speechless

and in awe

at the event of meeting

love for the first time.

This isn't the first

but with more Tuesday nights guaranteed,

it will willingly 

feel the most important.

day 86

whisper those words

don't leave me sleeping

cause I am awake

but you kept me

dreaming

It's five past twelve in the morning

and I've yet to wake this slumber

you are lovely, darlin

Songbirds whispered me awake

They wished me a good morning

painted a pretty pink lipstick on

and asked my heart out on a date

I said

NO WAY dude

NO WAY in HELL

Because heck

you are who I wish for rainy days

and gray clouds

and any excuse to keep you inside with me

This house is a home now.

I'll play wife and you can take out the trash

There are dishes to be washed

and used as flying saucers

It is an electric blue frisbee summer

in the middle of Autumn

I am comfortable being lost in your scent

but you will learn to love my confusions.

I am sitting

five thousand miles away

in a quiet suburban attic

The walls are painted with hummingbirds

and there are scrapbooks that reek of

sweet honey nectar

This is where I bend my neck forward

for a kiss or two

leave the X's behind.

O.

Before I forget

I am dreaming of a baseball field

It is starting to rain

and we are surrounded by metal fences

This is a meadow full of baby songbirds

who sing of seventh grade crushes

It's been about 5 years

you have crazy hair now

and I'm attached to the length

It's been awhile

I wear pretty pink lipstick

and you ask me on dates

This meadow is reserved for an electric blue frisbee summer.

I'm not afraid of spiders

and leaky faucets.

This house is a home now, love.

day 85

hearing your voice is the closest thing to honey
my mind is building honeycombs
each word seeps the sweetest sap
you are a new sapling, darling
i feel brand new

day 84

tonight is a night

that tells bed time stories

of a found girl

being lost.

tonight,

her heart isn't broken,

it is entirely whole,

it is just misplaced.

there are pieces that want to love

     here

and

                there

and

now

I can't tell if she

wants this

or not.

She won't tell me anything.

Her heart is quiet.

tonight

the bed time stories

lack an ending.

day 83

And that is how it feels

to have your dreams come true

To have your senses

make sense of all the feelings

surrounding you

I am in a maze

of amazement

I feel like I was meant for this

This is how it feels

to have your dreams come true

To lose all your senses

and confuse the wants and needs

you lost control of

They are in a maze

of amazement

But they are meant to feel lost

And that is how it feels

to have your dreams come true

And this is how it feels

to see my dreams come true

Fantasy is an eyelash blink away

I am feeling less lost

day after day

day 82

father owns a bakery

purchase sesame seeds by the pound

they will grow into familiarity

love will taste like this

like broken english and chipped teeth

like cracked homes and 

lost hearts

this is how i taste found

 it is hidden underneath tongues

there are so many words left unspoken

the weight of my mother's heart

can be purchased by the pound

father owns a bakery

he will sell a family for a pound

I grew up on pieced together english

dozens of syllables replaced with egg cartons

love will feel like this

like cardboard shelter

like chasing shepherds and pursuing them

like sleepy dreams and

open eyes

they will never find a lost heart

but it hides a heavy tongue

father owns a bakery

purchase sesame seeds by the pound

lock animal behavior with a family

this will grow into familiarity

love will smell like this

like humid words being

strewn across foggy mornings

like staying awake and

being aware

father owns a bakery

day 81

I am tangled today,
love

two days of
twirling my own hair. the
tips of my own
fingers
give advice to my thoughts
telling me hello,
I'm feeling new
but jumbled
lost in mazes
maizes
this love is
making
words of corn
there will be wine
with fancy cheeses
Swiss
for you to get lost in!

day 80

80 days since i've last felt home

in its most natural state

window serenades

with its fog seeping through the cracks

i havent gotten used to the mist

but the days have

ate its way out of grasp

they are no longer available

to hold

with loose fingertips

and words of advice

they have seeped through cracks

in brain cells

just membrane

80 days have floated through 

mist

like fogged up memories

i can still taste their words

hear the beauty

they touch me with

leave me in awe

it is autumn now

late summer is 80 days old

happy birthday

day 79

I was floating.

It wasn't until later in the night
that I realized I wasn't flying,
I was aimlessly
floating.
Just an orb of some sort
trying to absorb some light.
I felt dead.

I hovered over a star
they burn with such an intensity
you'd question their passion
I was on moons
and the moons that our moon bores
They were hopelessly boring
and I was still aimlessly
aiming to
float somewhere
that would make me
feel
noticed.

It wasn't until later in the night
that I realized I wasn't hovering,
I was still aimlessly
floating.

I was alone
even gravity didn't linger any longer
This is what it feels like
to be lost in space
but I didn't feel weightless.
I felt the heaviest heart
pulling me down
back to Earth's reality.

day 78

you start to wonder

if the person you love

right   

now  

is going to change your life.

i love you

to the ground six feet deep,

you are almost as tall as

the roots of kissing trees-

but you haven't

inspired me to climb trees

yet,

or you never will,

and it worries me.

what if

you never inspire me to do so.

i mean,

what if

i don't fall?

i start to wonder

if the person i think of

at 4 am

has changed my life.

i am starting to

wonder

if i am just too 

scared

to fall

day 77

relax

there is not enough time in the day
      to make tough love out of elephant skin
   to love big enough with flying ears
   some days you make me fly

i can't say that i will sacrifice
  warmth from my own soul
             to keep the fire in us alive
but i won't say that i didn't think of it

r e l a x
there will be enough time to
love
time is tough like elephant skin
  but the magic makes you fly

day 76

Good morning

I lay here with 

poised hands of

a painter. There is

no fancy cot here,

just a home of

butterflies. I don't

know where you are.

I don't know what we would be painting

with our fingertips if

you were home,

physically. You've caught

me-- red handed. The

walls are pink now,

and St. Valentine is visiting.

day 75

I've been away all weekend. I ended up doing more napkin poetry, and receipt poetry!!

Progress:

We are three-fourths

on the way.

Tonight I

am sleepy,

     so rest your

lullaby kisses

  on my heart.

You  are  a  sweet

receipt,

             darling:

So far--

                three-fourths

                                    reassuring.

day 74

it's chilly
welcome Autumn
you are as beautiful as I wouldn't have expected
hot Summer is long gone
I didn't expect her to leave so soon
she is just a memory
today

frozen noses

and numb toes

my heart is a lost vulture

in a structural Antarctica

it will surely freeze to death

if left in places too familiar

Ironic

today

is just a memory

I don't expect it to linger around for long

soon it will be Summer

and I will be making my mark

on frozen hearts

that need numb kisses

I am beautiful

it is chilly

welcome,

new girl in old scenarios

you will be lost

but

you already know how

to find beauty in things that are

broken

day 73

it is so 

homely

to be at home

away from home

there is a certain

warmth

that is worth

five gallons of gasoline

it is

able to ignite 

the messiest flame

creating ashes

into tea pots

it warms the soul

my throat traps in.

these homes 

my tongue speaks of

are missing

trap doors

there are no

hidden secrets

to this

happiness.

day 72

FREELY

F A L L I N G

BODIES

UNDERGO

CONSTANT

ACCELERATION

if I design the 

tallest

kissing tree,

how long would it take

for two fools

to fall in love?

-9.81 meters per second

day 71

and as i'm sitting on this two person train seat
alone
the simplest thoughts run through my mind:
      how you make me feel warm, but still a bit chilled
                      like the tights I wore today.
 youareskintightclosetome
   but I rest easy knowing that I'll always be able to breathe
      how i hate big cities
but i love being lost in time
  panicking 
         wondering
     trusting your instinct
            because I don't trust myself enough
       how i don't think simple often
and that i should do so.
feeling lost has never felt so found.
it's breathable

day 70

ce que j'adore

une liste:

etre rompu
un ciel gris
rires
siestes
embrassant
la nourriture du cœur
des sentiments de magenta
trouver votre ame
vous

day 69

mood:

slipping through my fingers

i lay here with hands of nickel

five senses lacking

i know i can't see the beauty of this anymore

heart forgot what it smells like

what speaking good tastes like 

what good company sounds like

my memory is fogged

is rainy

is welcoming October into a shit faced house

ring the bell to enter

i will not let you in.

i lay here with hands of nickel

heart heavy and lungs heaving

this is how i try to feel indifferent.

mood:

it is the jangling of jingle jambles

rambling rambles to make new words

this is how i can feel indifferent.

do you feel it?

lost in a strew of mazes

i don't know what i feel like

i will run through this field of emotions

i am feeling hungry

starving for an appetite to feel

something

anything

mood

is slipping through my fingers.

this is where we lay indifferently

indefinitely in definite

i no longer can define what my heart has to sing

and i cannot find my singing heart
but i do not need your reassurance
surely i will find it
perhaps
it is lost in the beauty of amazement
and this maze is meant to heal
it will do just that
it will sing hello on the dew drops of October leaves
loudly sing lullabies that leave hope with me.
in a couple of days
i will lay here with hands of nickel
but it will all make sense
this restlessness will leave
it is Autumn, love
it is Autumn.