day 343

"Everyone wants to be invisible"


Me too

There are days I can't speak
what I need to speak
need to say I can't breathe
cannot catch the breath to show love
to show you how much I can mean
to your universe






Might as well be invisible
I can change the planet
only if you wanted to see me do so.
I know you'll only know my face
when you are curious
with what you are seeing..

day 342

:::::BRAINSTORMING::::::



- bullets -




- Arlington
 - DearBorn
  -invisibility
- super strength
- super friendly
- I love these kids
- they inspire me
- must 
-write
-poem
-to do them justice

day 341

Happy birthday to the loveliest sister I have
(and only blood sister)




1
I don't think you can swim
There have been too many times I've caught you crying
Caught you drying tears like your life has depended on it
2 You must have trained yourself
to be so stealthy
and strong
3 I don't know if you know that drowning is beautiful
Immerse yourself in the beach tears you try to avoid
Learn that you are beautifully broken
4
You are so beautiful
It is hard to swim to shores close enough to
gargle out the words you need to hear

day 340

The one day break was meaningful
Showed me
I really do not like my job
but it's a job
I suppose I am not supposed to like it
What's the supposed to mean anyway

day 339

Men don't have X ray vision.

I just want you to see more into me.

day 338

TO a butterfly losing his wings:

Some moths never eat anything as adults because they don't have mouths. They must live on the energy they stored as caterpillars.

You have a mouth

Lack of appetite can confuse broken stomachs and

empty lungs

but I know you taste air with your toes

You always have

Playing footsies with lovers you confuse for fixed appetites

and I'll worry about her tomorrow

and I'll worry about her tomorrow

and I'll worry about 

being hungry

and I'll worry about confusing moths for

butterflies

and I'll worry about her tomorrow

And you will breathe

and call me crazy

but it's only because I live off of the air you refuse to fly in

I watched you fly over words that made you feel like dying

Watched them slice you

Watched as you dodge hail like bullets

Watched you dance to lyrics you haven't thought of yet

Watched and watched and

watched as you crashed into sinking ghost ships

Moths refuse to fly when they are cold

while butterflies just fly to their death beds

I remember the first time we made love

I am sure I got rid of my still born cocoon

We sipped on black coffee and I tapped my fingertips

on you until our souls grew stale

We loved to free the demons that have been sailing on

ghost ships inside of us

Some nights the moths of your past still haunt me

They come in gangs of shadow puppets

hiding in my closet

Like clothing myself is a way of protection

And we got close

And you came closer

close enough for me to reach

and stroke your body like an 

upright bass

until the symphony orchestra playing for ghost bodies turned

stale with bad notes

I played harp for you

I didn't think I would pluck your wings off like

inspiration spiraling into brick heads

We were always meant to open up like butterflies

Together.

There are nights I lay with you

and I wonder what stopped you from flying.

day 337

I wonder too much

I wander too much

Too much time to wonder 

about wandering

wondering where i'll wander to

next

day 336

There are too many poems I'd like to write
not enough inspiration I've been capturing
I've been lacking the beauty inside myself
  all the beauty I'd ever need
  to feel beautiful
  is being cradled between my fingertips
  right now.



That's what I'm supposed to convince myself
I can be something beautiful
something pretty to look at
makes all the pretty boys want to hold my hand
want to marry me

I want to marry you
and that's all you have to say
and I'll run away
and feel so
pretty
and you'll run away
from me
and  you'll feel so
pretty


There are too many poems I'd like to write
too many pretty boys I'd like to hold
with finger tips melting onto my skin
it burns
with some sort of passion
I want to marry you
so I will
but I won't




Lately I've been caught up in all different types of wrongs
all different types of jealously
I'd love to write so many poems
I'd love to write about how madly in love I am
but it upsets me to do so
To do so would cure a blind man's madness


I wonder how a blind man pictures beauty
I may be going blind from madness

day 335

My immune system has failed at keeping me safe once again

day 334

I do these things for a reason.
I have too many reasons to love
to care
and I care too much that I end up
sacrificing
what could be a bright new start
for myself.

What is the lesson of this story

what if some stories are just sky scrapers
with no businesses
there is no business to care about yourself
let alone others
who won't let you care about them

day 333

going to the beach
 in 96 degree weather seems exciting


it is

until your skin feels like it is melting
and you are so hot
it is so hot
it is too hot out there
dont go outside
dont let it get to your head
do not become hot headed
too hard to become hot headed
heat strokes while i'm stroking your hearts soul
it is too hot

day 332

My nails are way too
long. I feel like Mr. Ed

                 ward Scissorhands...

day 331

I'm pretty  sure I had blogged on Monday
via cell phone
(technology is unreliable)




**

I do not believe that I am hard working
I just have become more used to
working
to feeling very tired
and tired
and money rolls in all the time
but i can't seem to slide along

day 330

I am attempting to write something beautiful
I would like to dedicate today to Jasper Som
my fiancè...

It is so lovely
how we have learned to live so lively
Loved so lively
Every breath expanding heavy lungs next to balloon sized hearts
You said you had a small heart

You probably do
With your sense of self and self greed
But you love like a hot air balloon

It is so hard to keep each other grounded
but you're doing well
You're doing well
We're doing well

day 329

home
this is where i live
you changed the locks on your doors
am i left allone
no
you only want to love me when im drunk
when my heart is completely aware
yes
i am in love
i love you

dont treat me like dirt.




























flowers can still grow where grass has turned into dirt

day 328

You see
i had to  do it for a reason
i had to love another to show you i can
i had to tell you i could love you without
loving you
and i am loving another
and he is loving me
and where are you to be found



tonight i wanted to say help
but you were no where to be reached
i wanted you to save me before i
loved another


i mingled, hearts tingled,
but i am back in my bed
and this is the first of the long nights
this is onily the first
onlye the fierst

day 327

Can you spare a dollar
Can yoy spear a dollar
Singing
Boston streets
Tell me where your family lives
where the daggers spill blood
only a daughter can smell
it will linger
it will linger


this was never published

day 326

You can only feel so small.

day 325

Wake up
I need you to leave
I can't even cry anymore

I need you to leave

I woke up to poetry today.
I woke up to poetry.

day 324

I know he loves me
It is his love that wounds together
everything that should be
Put together.
Gears of a clock all work in sync
When your hands love my body
It seems like time is all we can fall in love with

day 323

I am just worried about getting someone upset.
The love from the night was so

.
.
.lovely.

I am missing almost every adventure
we failed to complete.

1
Pretending to climb trees made of
acid
and neon
and lost hopes
and maybe this is what fate is

I mean we are here,
right?
Portable toilets and empty sand lots
with trees

Imagine what a tree would say
if you asked about it's life


2 Pretending to climb trees made of
hidden lakes and
drunken song verses
and
cheap balloon thrills
We smoke cigarettes like we are addicted
Like the nicotine is the only way
we can feel complete without each other

3

Pretending to not think of you
every time we smoke pot on quiet street corners
The party is over there guys
the party is under trees
pretending to be drunk


They'll make love to trees hugging onto
liquor and whiskey and sober wishes
4 Pretending to climb trees
but finding open bodies of water
almost wanting to open bodies and
glue them together
What shouldn't be should be
and what should be
should stay this way
It feels so good pretending to climb trees
Feels so good

because we are sober.

day 322

I just wanna go out and
Not worry about having to worry about this later
Just wanna think with my hands
gonna act with my hands tonight
Not gonna worry about having to worry about this later

***ill worry about this later..

day 321

A customer had daisies growing around his house

Daisies are my favorite

Are those....daisies, sir?!?!
Yes! Wild daisies. They grow like weeds. Especially around the high way.

***
I am a dandelion turned Daisy
With pretty little petals
I've been touched before
Stung by sweet honeybee words but
Some days I grow like weeds
Grow like
I don't feel like doing anything today
But I will
And I will grow
And you don't want to do anything today
But you will
You will drive on wandered highways
Stay lost
And lay with sweet honey bees
Who speak words to make flower petals
Grow
And you will grow

day 320

Back to pen and paper: vol I forgot
It's my first day delivering
Pizzas
And subs
And
I'm a bit afraid of giving people what they want
***
Maybe size does matter

day 319

Open letter to my high school class:


We did it

I'm sure it was easy for others
some a little too difficult
but whatever it was for you
it is what shaped you into the person you
will continue to grow into.

There will be times you will give up
will stop believing
will stop loving
Do not stop yourself from feeling like this
There will be a moment you will find yourself
and smile
chuckle a bit
That wasn't worth worrying over


***
Stay beautiful, friends

day 318

Tomorrow is a big day.
Not sure if I feel sad yet.


No reason to be sad


***
You eventually leave when you are supposed to.

day 317

I lay here
every
almost every
night
almost every black out

You used to hide during the day
Only spoke before deep slumbers
we used to sleep so soundly underneath swaying branches
Used to sway each other like branches
So used to loving you like this

I am not sure if we are still in love.
I am comfortable
Always am with any lover
You have grown so used to calling yourself different
No
Nothing is different, honey.
You can always collect the same sweet sap from any kind of kissing tree.
Just remember to go in pairs
Sleep soundly underneath pear trees
Maybe wish that this pair isn't strange
Maybe we wish too often not to be strangers.

day 316

We listen to old school hip hop
and smoke cigarettes
Today I almost burned your eyebrows off
by accident
I giggled

Imagine how funny it would be if you had no eyebrows

day 315

Jalapenos

Halls filled with spices
this is how anger smells
how
being
able to
hate
someone
can smell
Smells like
trapped heat in restaurant kitchens
drives you mad
makes you sick
sick
sick
someone
makes you sick
you make me  sick

day 314

I got a paper cut on my elbow on Monday
at work

Tomorrow is the next day I am working

coincidentally
my elbow hurts more than its ever hurt before
and I am having nightmares of getting paper cuts
every
time I
close my eyes to dream.
Waiting sucks but
I'll be happy