day 248

sitting in my car at 11 pm
a Tuesday night

I've grown accustomed to not sleeping early now. my mind is always racing and my feet somehow always want to drag myself back

to you.
and I still feel so horrible when I think about you and the girls you've loved
and learned to love who loved to leave and left you for boys who could obviously learn how to love them correctly.

2. sometimes I feel like holding this piece of me to myself makes it seem like I'm holding a secret from the rest of the world. I feel like there should be a greater way to tell strangers I am a rape victim.

I guess that's how you will learn how I love
and learn how to love me, correctly.
this is not directed to you. this is directed to the girl in the navy blue hoodie wearing nothing else but her dignity. I know you've been hurt too.

3. I often speak to myself indirectly, as a way to not feel so distant from human interaction.

it is 11 09pm
on a Tuesday night.
I was raped on a Tuesday night.
not this Tuesday night
or any Tuesday nights near this night.
sadness, eventually catches up to you. to my youth.