day 279

(I just realized that my dates on here were way wrong. Sorry...for looking like a time traveler....hehe)

1.
I miss being in my mother's home
She has made it so warmth
so full of life
even though it is empty
wall to wall

2. She must be extremely lonely when I'm gone
And when I'm gone
I'm gone for days
Whether physically or just
mentally.
I haven't been anywhere close to Earth in a while.
This must change.

3.
I am a good person
with a huge heart
Hands are a little on the small side
but I can still warm you with
baby fires
I apologize for not being there
here
there
here
never here
never able to hear what
you want me to say
for their souls
to warm up their empty glass homes
It gets cold easily
without a baby in the house

4. I apologize for ruining the live space
dead load system in this home.
I learned about this in my first period
Engineering class.
Sometimes I don't even want to be in school
because of that class.
I've spent the last 4 years
wanting to be a vet
to an engineer
to an architect

5. I only strayed away from being a vet
because I couldn't bring myself to
throw away a dying baby mouse
on a glue trap in my mother's kitchen.
Who's home would be ruined
if their baby was squealing in a trash can
somewhere
Not mine
but someone's

6.
I didn't want to be an engineer anymore because
I couldn't figure out what concentration I wanted to focus on.

Environmental!
Oh you should do chemical,
you can make make up
No! I want to be a mechanical engineer
Maybe I can put clocks together
Freeze time when I want
or just speed up times
even though that shouldn't be allowed to happen

I've always done horrible in math
since the 8th grade
I don't understand

I can't stand being a mathematician
How many times would I have to solve problems
Sometimes I have my own problems
Way too many of my own

7. I really hope that architecture will be my forte...
I really hope I don't screw up in college...
I really hope
I don't
screw up a stranger's house
Who's home would be ruined
if their baby was squealing in a trash can
somewhere
Not mine
but someone's