day 167

Road to recovery: 1st hour

    objectives         to remember what love

                     used to mean to me,    alone.

                     to  regrow the golden heart i
                     have lost.    to remain gentle
                     to     restore faith, morals, to
                     reevaluate my character. my
                     wants, needs, dreams, goals,
                     to fall in love with     my soul
                     again.






                     It's hard to blossom dreams with your sleepy lover when your lover has daydreamed nine times.
   Has learned the lover's language
over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and
over and                  perfected it.      Memorized it. Used it to his advantage.
Lived in the worlds of nine different girls.
And this is where the left shouldered conscious speaks:
  Cats have nine lives.
If I leave, will this be his last
will he ever realize what love really feels like
how deep you can dig into someone
how deep nails have been used
to screw into backs
if I can't stay,
pound a backbone into me.
I am numb.


leave me
paralyzed
in your harsh grasp.
I am fucking here.
Fucking,
here.


       Note to self:
Do not allow me to play unsung hero to a blind man again. Un-sing me to sleep, darling love, I can sing on my own.
I am doing favors with Summer knee bruises.      You are my prized possession baby love.


I've become a trophy wife.












                       Trophy wives are fools.