day 192

The emptiness will wake you up in the middle of the night
to tell you it's hungry.
Slowly searching for a way to make it whole again.
End up digging myself deeper
making me lost at midnight.
Starving
just
to feel whole again.
Just because I'm in love with you
doesn't mean I should be with you
and sticking with my words
hurts as bad as mouse paws on glue traps.
We are all trapped here
with empty filled stomachs
I'm aching
me too.
But what am I supposed to do
with a head full of instinct
and a heart living with a
moth infested cellar.
Just believe me
Believing that love is becoming
unjustified
I don't know who I want
to love
I just know how I want to love them
and how I want them to
love me.
Picky beggars never
blossom into happy lovers.
I will pick off apple trees
give one to you
keep one for myself
Trying to rebuild my generosity
but I can't find myself doing so.
Sometimes I can only think of loving so beautifully.
Feeling so beautiful.
I am so empty inside, guys.
So hollow-hearted
For once I am not full of carelessness
I am just apathetic
Indifferently viewing this situation
I'm not sad.
but I am
Soon enough he and my
conscience becomes one
and now I don't believe in love,
it's just science.
Chemistry.
I was never good at believing
in dopamine. I've
learned how to shut it off.
This emptiness is consuming me
create holes in my veins.
Yet I will never feel rewarded
for doing so. I don't
believe in this anymore.