day 219

I have a deep gut feeling
that something's cutting away at my immune system.
Losing the ability to generate
blood cells to make me feel better,
to make me feel
alive.

Feeling dead more and more
every time I awake.
There's got to be something deeper than this.
Finding myself
more dizzy,
spinning around ideas that I don't even dream about.
Sometimes it scares me.
What if something is really eating away
at me.
What if something is really
wrong with me
physically
and my words will never be able to
heal
me.