day 7

Midnight

1 sleepless soul

Welcome to the dreams I wish to awaken

Slip me into your wishes

like falling Cinderella cinder block hard

I am falling

cinder block hard

You are construction site cementing home

To

me

2

Your voice sits on the edge of my roof tile memory

Sleepless lullaby me asleep

Singsong tease me

Say we're home

I like it and

I like you

3

You told me

three worded phrases

always linger longer.

I can't forget

and I won't.

4

We are warm..

I love this.

I love you.

We are home.

5

I miss you

Like shattered mosaic door frames

Like Cinderella missing midnight

cinder block hard

Like I am one sleepless soul without you

What the fuck

I hate you

I hate this

6

I am awake

I am alive

I am strong

7

I am pretending

8

I am complete

Complete like black holes in broken skylights

and I don't remember where home is.

9

Cinder block hard,

Love, you just

shattered broken foundations.

Breaking cement strong chemistry bonds

Let the cold seep in

10

I forgot how warm home is.

11

I am pretending

Mornings are tough

Days get tougher

Nights are alive with pinch me awakes

with clammy finger nail memories

with tough skin that makes you love me

Skin is lovely

like love me lovingly tough

12

My skin is

alive and tougher

than morning day cement on cinder block wishes

than hugging gravity because I fell in love with being warm

than playing house because I can patch my broken skylights mosaic homely

I am happy and in love

like I let gravity scrape my knobby 12 year old knees

because love is just that

Falling like hanging door knobs

Midnight

Welcome to the sanctuary of my wishes

Hand security blanket to gravity

It will throw you dirt cold lovingly asleep

Because that is home and

That is homely lovingly and

this is home

I am home

in shattered cement door frames

in cinder block falling in love with broken in houses

with lousy security blanketed wishes

Welcome to the sanctuary of revelation

populated with lingering three word phrases

Lost in the beauty of the mid of night

Trace my singsong rooftop melodies

because

I am alone

lovingly loving me

because

you can't forget

one sleepless soul that made you fall faster than gravity

cement stick yourself to me

I am home

1

You are one sleepless soul

2

My voice will become native tongue to you

3

Three worded phrases are all you had to say

You are speechless

4

You are cold

5

Don't miss me

6

Fuck you

7

You are helplessly falling into broken black holed words

I am now cement heart strong

8

I am complete

9

Reality just hit you cinder block hard

and you miss me like Cinderella missing midnight

10

This home does not welcome you

11

You miss my warm skin

I am pinching you awake with tough fingernails

12

It's midnight and you are one sleepless soul

day 6

Growth

Growth is sometimes foreign to my lips

But never foreign to my frenzied brain

Post-it note it across my forehead

Different petals with different ink

Look at my wants in a surplus of perspectives

Growth is my subconscious

I am constantly yearning to grow

Brave and willing to stretch my arms out of their sockets

Sprout daisies from my own dirt lodged edges

I am fragile but I will never let you land an ear on my soul

I am cardboard cut sharp

Trust me

Please be careful

The beauty of a daisy is sharp

Is high definition

Is seductive red on the lips of foolery

Beauty will wilt

Don't trust beauty

Like

I don't trust you

because trust will wilt

Trust is eggshell sturdy

Is dirty weed vulnerable

Is cyanide on taste buds

Trust is sometimes foreign to my lips

but never foreign to brown eyed back yards

My soul grows dandelions

Dirty weed vulnerable

I build sharp edges around them

Keep them safe

Keep them from the beauty of trust

Your weatherman predictions will never crumble my walls

Paper post-it notes fragile

My walls are growing

I don't trust you

Like growth

Like reaching my dandelion fingers into your daisy dirt

Like I am growing to not trust your beauty

Like knock on my soul

I am bulletproof canteen ready

Be careful

Please trust me

Sunrise revelation of sweat marks on vulnerable wounds

Things are heating up

My cement fences are cracking earthquake long

Wide enough to show my flaws

Like stretched soda can ears

Like reach your daisy fingers into me

Like taint me with gold

Like I am a dirty dandelion

Like my petals of vulnerability never fail to grow sharply out of place

I hate it

I wish they would wilt

There is no beauty in wanting to be picked

Wanting to be grown into someone's dirty magenta flower pot

Like cardboard cut sharp captivity

My flaws grow like vines

Vines never wilt

My wounds never wilt

My wounds continue to grow and I still don't trust you

There is a beauty in password sturdy security

My walls stand tall

My canteen of trust lay empty

Lay bulletproof canteen ready

Be ready

I am pleasingly careful

My soul is carefully pleasing

You will never hear what you seek

Be careful

I don't trust you

Like the password to my garden of frenzied brain fried brown eyed back yard barbecue

Like daisies are poisonous to touch

Like the beauty of a daisy is lip stick seductive red on foreheads

Like daisies trust you

Like you will never feel what you seek

Like daisies let you grow fingernail vines onto their dirty roots
Like lock jaw on rusted tongues

Like I am a dirty dandelion but I am beautiful, too

Like you don't trust my beauty

Like I am paper cardboard cut sharp

Like I don't trust me

Like I am constantly yearning to grow into you

day 5

1

Her hair flows in the wind like oil spill on blue canvas

Noticeable

A tainted stain on the presence of everything innocent

You can't wash the image from your sight

But you don't fight it

2

She paints images of intellect on everything she touches

You may not understand the purpose of the color scheme

But she will make you feel in colors you question yourself to feel

Bleed colors you didn't know complimented your smile

3

Emma smiles like mixing oil with water

Awe in amazement at the sight of teeth on tongue

Somehow it works

White clouds on pink sunsets

You don't want to say good bye

Touch her words

Reassure them they will be safe with you

4

Brush a strand of her hair behind her ears with your tainted fingers

Allow beauty to seep skin deep

3

It becomes noticeable

She bleeds the colors of worthy literature

and fresh cut grass

2

How do you make a pretty girl feel like worthy literature?

I've caught her words with fingers of honey

She attracts the bumblebees on the days she lays on fresh cut grass

She laughs hues of lavender on an honest Spring day

3

Her favorite number is 3

But like worthy literature,

old house color schemes,

and oil spills,

choice of parts rarely appear

3

She spray paints her hair through our eye sight

No one fights it

We learn from her own strength

She doesn't wince when she pricks her fingers with thorns of adventure

She doesn't fight it

3

Emma teaches us to bleed the colors

we all need to learn about

day 4

She was his perfect storm.

Told me that no one ever wished him good nights

unless it was obligatory.

Tell me now if my behavior is obligatory

If I'm supposed to treat you the way I do

If I'm going an arm's length out of my way to make you happy

You only know storms

You've grown used to the darkest of eclipses blocking your sunshine

So blinded by the lightning

You don't even remember what it's like to cry on your own

Told me that no one ever cries happy tears

That sunlight doesn't second guess an escape from hurricanes

Friend

There are such things as sun storms

They exist like the dew drops on the thorns of roses

Never playing coward to pain

The skies stay alive with blue clouds and lightning sunshine

While blue droplets drop like lightning

Telling you that these events don't just occur in nature

Thunder monsoons flooding your thoughts
Shaking you to wake up
The wind whispered to me your secrets

Told me that she was your perfect storm

Now shout through the tornado your answers

If you're able to find beauty on the thorns of roses

What makes you so blind to the beauty of letting go?

She was your perfect storm

And when she left,

she left you with nothing but a shrunken heart.
Like leaving out lingerie to dry but
finding out that the hurricane blew them away

There are no intimate secrets allowed in this friendship

You told me that I could replace her

and it's obligatory for me to do so

but also necessary to teach you how to survive the drought

She was your perfect storm

Left you with the reality of a 9.2 aftershock,

dry spells, and hallucinations

You wish she would come back for you
Help you repair what is broken
Hold you when the ground can't hold you up anymore

but you know you can't handle facing her yet.

Friend

I can't replace the perfect storm

The one who taught you to swim deep enough to stop tsunamis

but I can help you handle the hallucinations

Get you through the drought

I won't let your heart diminish

I'll tell you that I am your sun storm

Allow you to prick the thorns of broken bonds
While crying white skies and blue Nirvana

I am his sun storm

Told me no one wishes him good living

unless it was obligatory.

day 3

Don't fall in love with another poet

They write shit about you

Good or bad, you don't have a choice

but to choose to listen to their honesty

I fell in love with another poet

And while I sit among the sidelines wishing to be noticed,

He is wishing to be noticed by someone else.

I always wanted to be the topic of someone's love piece,

have someone piece me together whole.

Close stitched and close to their minds,

like the very pieces of wool he wears around his hair.

Holding each strand of angel,

and being that much closer to his thoughts.

Don't fall in love with another poet.

You end up spending more time writing around them,

hoping that they notice,

but they don't.

I fell in love with another poet.

And while he sits there on cloud nine,

pen in hand, words googling around her sweet rose-colored complexion,

I am wondering what makes her body make up

make up more inspiration than mine.

We are both mostly made of water, blood cells, and wants.

What makes her wants more appealing than my wants

I just want 

to be noticed.

When he writes up another jaw dropping masterpiece

I can't help but awe

I wish he could piece me together into something breathtaking

because I am the poet that falls in love with other poets

Spend too much time finger painting the next Van Gogh

But simultaneously cutting off my left ear

Don't want to listen to the words that have no relation to my being

but for the time being, I can only wish

Compose a starry eyed madness

to capture his heart

Place his heart upon the stub of skin I used to call ear

Convince him that I am listening to his every word

Although I know

that I am just the poet that falls in love with other poets

And he is the poet

That knows not to.

And I am slowly wilting away at every breath he takes to call her name

But he himself

is not sure if she exhales as much carbon dioxide to help love grow

How tall of a bean stalk love is he searching for?

Is he actually willing to climb the depths of Mariana Trench for her love,

or even swim to snow capped tops of Everest

to proclaim his feelings.

I am nearly not as adventurous

But I still fell in love with another poet

The silence is loud in this gray area

Drop a pin from my tongue and hear it explode into the many beatings

my heart skips through while seeing him

Instigated a wave of avalanche hoping

to paint her sweet rose-colored complexion blank.

Willing to recycle his rose-colored lenses into 

something lovely we can both hold.

I know I can't hold him the way she has him by string

and I know that he wouldn't even try to cut the ties

He is her puppet

Drags him through cross word puzzle confusions

And leaves him without oxygen

The way he leaves me breathless without even resting an eye on me

I am just the poet that fell in love with another poet

Tending a garden of false hope and pretty make up

Finger painting a starry eyed madness upon the puddle of a melted avalanche

Googling over sweet rose-colored words

that have no meaning to my existence

Might as well sit and watch while letting my flowers grow extinct

Don't ever fall in love with another poet

He is hopelessly drowned in the avalanche of kisses he sends to her

day 2

Open letters to the cities I love: Part 2

To Seattle-

You've left me sleepless

Exchanged quick breaths for helium lungs

I choke at an effort to speak to you

Ask you what your name is

I cringe

pathetic excuse for a three second conversation

The movement of jaws unhinging 

and tongues dancing in the secrecy of our own heads

Makes me wonder what runs through your thoughts

Makes me wonder what runs your thoughts

Discover what words you associate with my being

What color is your balloon heart when you see me?

Sew velcro eyelids to lash lines

Force magnetic sleep cycles into muscle memory

Open letter to Seattle-

my soul won't rest

I cannot get my mind to stop racing around your city block breaths

Pupils play muscle memory against dreams

REM cycles bicycle through city block wants

Want 1

The handshake

The closest thing I've gotten to feeling your touch

Gentle, sweet,

five fingers left me without logic

Want 2

Introduction

The first time the butterflies bicycled through helium lungs

They landed on my balloon heart

It's colored sleepless

They run my thoughts now

Want 3

I want to know what scares you

Want 4

Where do butterflies bicycle to when the city blocks are unfamiliar?

Want 5

What color is your balloon heart when you think of me?

Want 6

Don't forget to put up a detour sign

drag me by magnetic force

Teach me how to turn the release of helium in my lungs

into muscle memory

Open letter to Seattle-

How does your tongue dance while in the secrecy of your thoughts?

The butterflies ignored the detour

and bicycling made me tired

I have so much helium in my lungs

it makes me too nervous to speak

Open letter to Henry Luke-

Is sleepless a color?

day 1

Open letters to the cities I love

To Lowell-

Thank you for showing me how beautiful our community is

The closed stitched city filled with blessed opportunities

Say you want to leave

but no one can run too far without missing your roots

Thank you Lowell

for holding me around my ankles

I will never run too far from your green eyed concrete

I guess I always loved solid eye contact

To Toronto-

Its true

Canadians know how to get down

Won't worry too much about not being able to get back home

Allow you to embrace me with your hands

Tangle your fingers in my hair

Never let go

I won't forget how you easily kept me up all night

To Hawaii-

I can't give all credit to one city

But Hawaii, I love you

Thank you for playing home for such a beautiful Jamaica

You withhold the saying:

You don't know until you feel

I love Jamaica

Her sunshine smile and hot sand eyes

She's beautiful

No other words to describe her

Thank you for her existence

To Houston-

I don't have much to say about my religion

but I am blessed by your efforts

Thank you

for trying to dig under my skin

However

I am stubborn and have no intentions of changing

Sorry from a girl with no words but awkward auras

To Providence-

Forever my neighbor

I love you

Through the trials and tribulations

I haven't known you for too long

but you've managed to get under my skin

Yet I forgive you

I am obliged to love my neighbor

To Worcester-

For your hard work and solid dedications

I am so proud

To New York-

Bravery and honesty have grown two different definitions

Dawn admiration upon my being

You inspire me

To Oakland-

Thank you for keeping me safe

It's a word I've yet to understand

but your generosity will stay a safe haven for my thoughts

I will always acknowledge your golden heart

You are amazing

To Berkeley-

Forever the stepping stone to invitation

Without you, the other cities would have remained invisible

Allowed me to see written ink on blank faces

I've learned so much in so little

To San Francisco-

I am not used to your fog

Drag me around by tongue

Give me the chills

Housed three thousand people for one night

Thank you for blessing me with your foundation

To the countless cities I love but left nameless-

I miss you all

Inspiration for centuries to come

Thank you

for opening my ears

For opening your ears

For complete unity

Open letters to the cities I love

Til we meet again

To the ex boyfriends that just couldn't understand

Hello.

It's me, again.

But I'm not here to take you back

dumbass.

I'm here to explain why I can't stay.

I

fell in love...

with..

cats!

YES! CATS!

I like cats with short hair,

cats with long hair,

cats with no hair-

you're beautiful the way you are.

I love cats with hats

and hats with cats,

fat cats with blue eyes,

and the fat cats I see when I stare at your blue eyes

SHIT

I just...love...cats.

I also love cantaloupe.

I love cantaloupe that look like cats

and cats that look like cantaloupe

I love cats that control catapults

and catapults full of cats...being thrown at me...

obviously..

I just...love..cats so much

To the ex boyfriends that just couldn't understand

I'm sorry we can't be.

You're just the wrong type of pussy.

To the girl I'd give up my cat addiction for (Jamaica Osorio)

There's something about your presence

that just makes me feel right for once

Where I don't have to second guess myself

It makes me feel warm

The sun in your smile spoon feeds me comfort

I haven't grown used to the fog here,

but you make things clearer.

I feel warm.

I feel the warmth that people seek in your name

Makes me want to live in your sun soaked hair

Where the fog doesn't matter

and I'm closest to your thoughts

Jamaica

There's no sweeter way to sing after meeting you

My eyes hum the most comforting songs

My ears catch every pitch, every bass to your voice

My soul feels alive again

Reawakened by the words my heart has turned into a story

Feel so anxious upon seeing you

Afraid to spill my teeth all over the floor

because my breath has become heavy enough

to shatter things that should matter

Slowly growing unafraid of breaking down walls

Quickly growing towards spilling my thoughts

The floor shouldn't matter

The floor doesn't matter

I am at an unnatural high

Your presence should not make me feel like this

but I just feel right for once

Love, described by Pi

You are the center of my universe

Hold you deep in my circle of thoughts

Gray and pink drawn with open spaces,

We decreased the corners

And added some smooth edges

I keep your kisses in a circle locket because

Circles never end

Come travel with me to infinity

Let me show you my atmosphere

I’ll reassure you that I’ll always be here

The only thing in between this everlasting love is

The point

3 point 1 4

3 points of why I love you, one for

each equation that seems too impossible to be

solved

but stay with me and I’ll simplify your problems

leave you answers with a sign that

resembles a home

Love,

My love for you can only be written in numbers

They may run too long with simple digits but they will never run

Too far

To Nathan

I never cry myself to sleep.

Or maybe, sometimes I just try to forget that I do

Because crying makes me tired

But being tired makes me fall asleep

So off I snooze

And I am wandering

My dream land isn’t so dreamy,

More rather dreary

With grays and browns and fogs and

Nothing really exciting as I portray myself to be

My phone is more popular than I am

Receives more rings than I ever will

And whenever someone calls for me

It’s 6:27AM. My alarm.

As I’m drifted off to sleep

My phone rang

I usually ignore it because I don’t want to talk to the Grim Reaper

But it was You.

Nathan,

You put the N where the center of my name goes

Completing my identity and making me whole.

I’ve never written about my heroes before

Because I fear that I’d lack the right words

But you’ve taught me to never be afraid.

To never dismiss death as a weakness

But rather a strength

Because the day I let my past wilt,

was the best I’ve ever felt.

The ashes slip through my fingers

But they buried themselves deep into the mud

Eventually your smile brought the sun out again

Dried up the mud, and sprouted some flowers

Nathan.

The gray and brown clouded dreams are gone,

But don’t ever be afraid of letting go.

The flowers of this friendship are what keeps me alive.

April 5

April 5, 2011

Dear diary,

The sun never came out today

Home needs to stop being walking distance from school

My dog snores

I hate school

My dog chews on her foot

We’ve been alone today

I instant message my best friend

We’ve been best friends forever

The bags under your eyes are gray

Onions make me cry

High school sex is bad

The sun never came out today

I hate school

Home needs to stop being walking distance from school

My dog snores

My dog chews on her foot

We’ve been best friends forever

We’ve been alone today

High school sex is bad

I instant message my best friend

Onions make me cry

The bags under your eyes are gray

The sun never came out today

The sun was hiding

It makes me sad

Onions make me cry

High school sex is bad

Don’t tell me youre pregnant

I instant message my best friend

We’ve been alone today

She’s pregnant

She was hiding it

The sun was hiding

The sun never came out today

My dog snores

Home needs to stop being walking distance from school

I hate school

I hate school

We don’t go to the same high school

They watch her walk

We’ve been best friends forever

Onions make me cry

My dog chews on her foot

The sun was hiding

She was hiding it

I hate school

April 05, 2011

High school sex is bad

She’s not bad

I instant message my best friend

We’ve been best friends forever

She’s been hiding it forever

Dear diary,

The bags under your eyes are gray

And so is her brain

She was hiding it

High school sex is bad

My dog snores

My dog chews on her foot

We’ve been alone today

She’s not alone

High school sex is bad

The sun never came out today

The sun was hiding

April 05, 2011

Astronauts

Onions make me cry

I watched her cry

She hid the sun

Astronauts

She wishes she could fly

My dog snores

In her dreams

In my dreams

Home stops being walking distance from school

My dog chews on her foot

April 05, 2011

We’ve been best friends forever

I instant message my best friend

Don’t tell me you’re pregnant

The Condensed Guide to Happy Living

CHAPTER 1

SMILE

No one wants to be the asshole that

Tries to spread frowns like wildfire

HOWEVER

If you do want to encourage frowns

Then you are not living A HAPPY LIFE

READ OVER CHAPTER 1 BEFORE MOVING ON TO

CHAPTER 2

TALK IN CAPS LOCK

It makes everything you say seem more official

CHAPTER 3

HAVE YOUR HEART BROKEN

“You can’t have the sunshine without the rain”

Push aside your pride and

Cry yourself a new black sea

Full of your runny mascara and eyeliner

And remember

There are four different fish in the sea:

FISH YOU LOVE THAT LEAVE YOU

FISH YOU LOVE THAT YOU LEAVE

FISH YOU LOVE BUT YOU HATE THEIR GUTS, BUT THEYRE SUPER HOT

YOU CANT LEAVE THEM BECAUSE HAVING FUN IS MORE IMPORTANT

FISH YOU LOVE THAT ARE EXTREMELY AWESOME AND STAY AWESOM

FOR FIFTY YEARS THEN YOU WAKE UP ONE DAY AND REALIZE SHIT AI

REAL BECAUSE GOLDFISH DON’T LIVE THAT LONG

AND KOI FISH ARE TOO EXPENSIVE

AND YOU CAN NEVER TRUST THOSE DAMN SHARKS

AND IT’S HARD TO CUDDLE WITH A WHALE EVEN THOUGH A WHALE I

MAMMAL

But everything else are fish

So fuck that

CHAPTER 4

SHARE YOUR WISDOM

NOT YOUR TEETH

Most people don’t like gift wrapped dentures

And other people don’t like people who bite

I mean, vampires aren’t happy

CHAPTER 6

Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how sexy you are

And if someone tells you otherwise

Reassure them that you’re one steamy ass, sweet talking, book reading, pants melter

of a bitch

And you own it

And they’re just jealous

CHAPTER 7

Give out meaningful compliments

Tell someone their hair looks great

Tell someone you like their shoes

TELL SOMEONE THEY’RE LOOKING EXTRA DOUCHEBAG TODAY

And mean it.

CHAPTER 8

RAAAAAAGE

DON’T KEEP YOUR DAMN EMOTIONS BOTTLED INSIDE

SOON ENOUGH YOU’LL EMIT TOO STRONG ANGRY CARBONATES

AND YOU’LL EXPLODE

WRITE ANGRY POETRY

EAT AWAY YOUR FEELINGS

TELL SOMEONE THEY’RE LOOKING EXTRA DOUCHEBAG TODAY

And mean it.

And

CHAPTER 24

DON’T GIVE A FUCK

AND YES

I KNOW I SKIPPED CHAPTERS

BUT THIS IS THE DAMN CONDENSED GUIDE

AND SOMETIMES

YOU JUST HAVE TO MAKE UP YOUR OWN FUCKING RULES

AND BE HAPPY

Persona piece: Godzilla

I am known as King of the monsters but

What kind of creature would be proud of that?

What kind of friends are there to make when

All the other monsters just want your title

And all the human men just try to kill me

And all the pretty girls are

Dead

THIS CITY IS A TICKING TIME BOMB WAITING TO EXPLODE I ONLY WANTED TO HELP YOU

This city never sleeps

Never shuts its bright eyes

I’ve never seen it paintbrush its lashes against the night sky

You are too afraid to sleep

You fear that I will take over

This city

Always talking away

Grinding your teeth into a blender

Blending tv static together

I ONLY WANTED TO HELP YOU

Stop running in the other direction

I can hear the thunder in your heart

It dances along my nuclear pulse

Synchronized with my beating chest

I did not mean to hurt you

My hands are a little too big

Or shall I say my paws

Because I am not worthy of finger tips that turn everything to gold

I wish there was a way.

Because everything I touch turns to dust

Every breath I exhale sends your heaven to hell

And my feet will always have blood stains on them

I did not mean to hurt you

You fear me when all I really wanted was

Companion

I’ve been ostracized for too long

Being immune to death is not a blessing

It’s a curse

I either spend half my days in the depths of my tears or

Sit around and wait for this CITY

WAKE UP

I know the troubles you fight

I ONLY WANTED TO HELP YOU

I hate how my two brains don’t make me twice as smart

Instead

They persist to make me twice as strong

Send radiation towards my palms

I did not mean to hurt you

I only wanted to help

YOU

Don’t understand the power of rejection

Nor will you ever know

But I know first hand

Being the monster no one can ever love gets

Tiring

And being afraid of my own actions is tiring

I’m tired of causing destruction

I’m tired of being unlovable

But everyone claims

That I am just a monster

I will never amount to love

That love in my eyes is your home

Attacked by nuclear bombs and smoke

Invaded by deathly amounts of radiation

Flooded by lonesome rain drops

But I insist

That your love is shallow

That you only need me to fight off tornados

I am only your hero whenever I do you a good deed

But you are blind

I never ask for anything in return

Just a friendship

But you insist that you can never be my friend because you fear

That I will hurt you

I did not mean to hurt you

I only wanted to help

But my jaws are unhinging with every cry I make

I am always accused of ruining the world

Whirlpool me in the currents of rejection

Because I will always remain

Godzilla

King of the Monsters

Master of destruction

Leader of the Misunderstood

I only wanted to help you