day 11

18 questions for my birth

1

If you didn't choose to wake up on the 17th of September,

what other day would you choose?

2

If you didn't choose to wake up at all,

what would my mother's favorite color be?

Would my father's favorite color still be her dark brown eyes

and would unity still be their favorite song?

3

Today,

I fear the dark.

I fear the night in day.

The dirt in peaches,

the grime under my finger nails,

the gum under my sole.

But why does fear matter?

Would you even bother waking up if you had a choice?

After the seventeen years of test driving life,

were you just too scared to buy into life completely?

What makes the 17th so important?

What makes everything so damn important?

4

My favorite color is peach.

For the days that hues of blue get too deep

and as a reminder post-it note for my mother.

I love her.

My father's favorite color may be red,

but he doesn't see my mother in the same tint.

He loved her, too.

I'm sure of it.

5

When you woke up,

were you thinking that you'd be sure of everything upon you?

Like my mother and father would soon travel different paths

Like I would be such a pathological liar on days when I just can't believe anything

Like crude oil ships crashing against dark blue hues of waves would tame me

Like life is tough, but peach post-it notes surround my every thought

Like if you didn't wake up

how sure would you be that my father's favorite color would still be dark brown?

6

My mother's favorite color is white.

I don't think she believes in pigment

because the last time she made sense of color,

it was the black of night

against the crash of blue waves.

Birth,

if you didn't wake up,

how much would the 17 year test drive matter?

Would ruby still be her favorite jewel?

Would my father spend more time staring into her dark brown eyes

into her dirt ground soul

into her own fears

Would he know that she doesn't fear the dark today?

I'm sure it has something to do with him

but why does fear matter?

7

In about a month,

I'll be 18.

Are you finally getting tired?

Like the seventeen years of restlessness have finally caught up to you

Birth

In about a month

will my favorite color still be peach?

Or will I change it?

Because I'm becoming afraid of the dark in day

Who ever knew that the blessing of light

would cause me to fear every ounce of dirt in rubies.

I'm sure you weren't sure of everything.

But I'm sure if you didn't wake up,

my father would still enjoy being down to earth

like the pigment in my mother's eyes.

8

Is my mother's favorite color white because she may also be growing afraid of the dark?

Is her favorite jewel a diamond because diamonds are the beauty in dirt?

9

Another peach reminder post-it note for my mother:

You are the beauty of mud brown eyes

We swim like tadpoles in dirt tsunamis

but we will eventually sprout arms to grasp the darkness.

10

If you didn't choose to wake up at all,

would my mother's favorite color be peach?

Would she leave herself reminder post-it notes to be happy?

would anyone leave her post-it notes

would anyone care enough to remind her

of the beauty she really is?

11

I turn 18 in a month.

I'm sure I'm getting tired of the dripping mud stains

on open handkerchiefs.

12

If you choose to sleep,

I'll trade myself for the eternity of blessings

my father owes my mother.