Wednesday, August 24, 2011

day 31

what am i doing with my life?

i want to travel
with just two hands and two legs
with two feet
and ten toes

i want to live
in a rainy city for 3 years
alone

make myself a cup of hot chocolate
every morning
and eat a piece of cake
because i can
and because life will be a piece of cake

i don't want a one family house
with a white picket fence
and beautiful roses and vines
okay
maybe vines
but not roses
i am a daisy kind of girl
and i hope i still will be

i want to live five minutes away from downtown
and a library
and a laundromat
and a museum
and a grocery store

i want to walk into a grocery store
alone
with a basket
and bump into my past lover in aisle 3
he'll be buying cereal
for his beautiful children
and i'll finally meet his beautiful wife
they'll be so perfect for each other
that it'll make me happy to know
that letting go 
was the best decision we've ever made
together

and after grabbing an instant pack of cocoa
and exchanging those
i-fell-in-love-with-you-first smiles
i'll find the shortest line possible
buy my shit
and walk back to my studio
alone
but somewhat happy
and somewhat heartbroken
but mostly happy

and i'll start to spot the gray undertones of the clouds
and be thankful that it's not raining for once

i want to be beautiful while crying.


i want to pick a daisy off a crack in the sidewalk
and place it in a water bottle
on my kitchen counter

it'll remind me of my ex boyfriends
that used to buy me daisies
for birthdays and anniversaries
but remember that he got me a fake carnation
and baby breath
on his prom night
and i still call him my past lover

there are people you meet
that seem so perfect for you
but they make you sad
and they make you bored
and they make you frustrated
and they tell you they want to leave
i want to be able to look back on this decision
and not have to worry if i still look beautiful crying
i want to be thankful that my two hands were once his to hold
and that my two feet and his two feet
once walked the same path
together
i want to be thankful that he makes me want to be alone
for the rest of my life
but seeing that he could be happy someday
in a stupid grocery store
buying cereal for kids we once named
changes everything
i want to fall in love completely
losing sense of my toes
i want to be numb
in love
the way i used to be with my past lover
but not with my ex boyfriends
i want to be able
to stick ten daisies in a single water bottle
and not have anyone question me
i want someone to tell me that i am beautiful while crying
and that someone is a stranger
in aisle 4
looking at the same cake mix as i am 
and i want to tell all of my secrets to him
on a rainy day
and he'll send me daisies and water bottles
on Tuesdays
because he was thinking of me

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